We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
