dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
