When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
