It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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