hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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