u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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