i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
