the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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