cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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