why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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