when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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