According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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