I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
