i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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