I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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