wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
