Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
