youre lurking in front of me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
