This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
