he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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