genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
