is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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