Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
