You work out of a Hotel?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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