So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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