I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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