I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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