Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
