Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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