I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize