i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
