I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
