never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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