Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
