I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How's work?
Spinning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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