I heard we made out
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
