I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
