My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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