you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
