I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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