i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
