It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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