He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
