As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I understand Curling. That high.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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