My underwear smells like fireworks.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
