I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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