whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh god it's open bar.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
