I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
