i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
