if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
