I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
