Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
