I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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