it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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