i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
