Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize