No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Im part way to drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
