what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
