I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
