i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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