Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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