Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
