Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
