I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
