You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
