I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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