i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
