The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
