Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
