Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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