Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
