i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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