get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need moral support for this bender
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
