Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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