and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize